Key Points
- A person sought advice after their brother took an excessive seven years to settle their late father’s estate.
- The delay was complicated by the fact that the brother was living in the deceased’s house and seemed to be in no hurry to resolve the matter.
- After numerous failed attempts to encourage progress, the sibling hired a lawyer, which successfully moved the process forward but created a rift, with the brother now refusing to speak to them.
- Advice columnist R. Eric Thomas confirmed that seven years is an unreasonable amount of time and that enlisting legal help was the correct course of action to treat a legal issue appropriately.
A family dispute over a father’s estate has escalated into a painful silence between two siblings, prompting one to seek guidance from advice columnist R. Eric Thomas. The heart of the conflict lies in a seven-year delay in settling the estate, a stalemate that was only broken when one sibling resorted to legal intervention, a move that settled the legal issue but fractured the family bond.
The Heart of the Conflict: A Seven-Year Stalemate
The person, writing under the name “Estate Dilemma,” explained that following their father’s death (their mother having already passed), their brother was responsible for settling the estate. However, the process dragged on for an astonishing seven years. A significant complicating factor was that the brother was living in their late father’s house, seemingly benefiting from the indefinite delay and showing no urgency to finalize the inheritance.
“He was living in dad’s house and not in any hurry,” the letter stated. The concerned sibling mentioned making several attempts to communicate with their brother, trying to encourage him to complete the necessary legal tasks. Unfortunately, these conversations proved fruitless, leading to a frustrating and prolonged standstill that put a significant strain on their relationship and the finalization of their father’s wishes.
When Legal Intervention Becomes Necessary
After years of inaction and failed attempts at direct communication, “Estate Dilemma” felt they had no other choice but to seek professional help. “I finally got a lawyer’s help,” they wrote. This decision proved effective; the introduction of legal counsel successfully broke the logjam and forced the estate settlement process to move forward. However, the resolution came at a high personal cost. The brother, who had been stalling for years, reacted negatively to the legal pressure and has since cut off all communication. This emotional fallout led the sibling to question their decision, asking Thomas, “Was I wrong in thinking it took too long?”
Expert Validation: Grief vs. Unfair Advantage
In his response, columnist R. Eric Thomas provided clear validation for the letter-writer’s feelings and actions. He stated unequivocally that “seven years is too long,” particularly because the delay did not appear to be caused by legal complexities or red tape. While Thomas acknowledged that people process grief on different timelines and that compassion is essential, he astutely read between the lines of the situation.
“It also sounds like your brother’s delay may have been intentional and more focused on keeping the house,” Thomas noted. “This isn’t fair.” He pointed out that while the brother may have bruised feelings or be “smarting from getting caught,” those emotions are his own responsibility to navigate. The columnist affirmed that the letter-writer’s frustration was justified and that their perception of an unreasonable delay was accurate.
The Right Call: Depersonalizing a Legal Matter
Thomas concluded by praising the decision to hire a lawyer, framing it not as an act of aggression but as a prudent step to depersonalize the conflict. By bringing in a neutral third party with legal expertise, “Estate Dilemma” shifted the situation from a contentious family argument into the legal arena where it belonged. “While there is, obviously, a personal impact to the settling of an estate, this didn’t need to be a personal conflict,” Thomas explained. “By seeking help, you did your best to keep it a legal matter, which is what should be.” He reassured the sibling that they did the right thing, protecting their rights and ensuring their father’s estate was handled correctly, even if it led to a difficult, but necessary, confrontation.
Image Referance: https://www.nj.com/advice/2025/09/asking-eric-it-took-my-brother-7-years-to-settle-our-dads-estate.html
